Friday, October 23, 2009

Mania aside; a letter of sorts to a dear friend and kindred spirit

Dear Brandy,

I know the last few months of been trying for you and could never imagine your pain and grief. You and Russ are in my prayers nightly. Things you have written me have really started to change my life. Though what happened to me is nothing in comparison to what happened to you, you were able to give me a sense of solice and meaning. You were the one to tell me to blog and though this is but my 3rd blog I have been able to open up and break a barrier that was holding me back, a barrier that until you helped me closed me off of most of the important aspects of life. I have a long and painful road of mental anguish left ahead but I know I will beat this. I will never be the "Old" Paul Michael, but I honestly am looking forward to meeting the "New" Paul Michael. Like you told me the new me might be better. I feel a shimmer of me returning so I think the meds are working. I just get down because I know I will have to take all these meds the rest of my life.

I want to make a promise to you, the reasoning behind this is because you are family and my therapist told me to find a "kindred spirit" and make this promise to. As you probably knew unless the family for once didn't say anything, which i doubt lol. The last time I was hospitalized and placed in CCU then signing myself into the physc unit was because I tried to kill myself. This was before I got all the different physc. diagnoses. The night it happened I heard voices and just gave up and tried to end it all like a coward. The experience was one of the worst but best things to happen to me. I realized how much I loved life. Growing up we were close and seeing how you have helped me so much is why I make you this promise. Brandy I promise you I will never intentionally try to harm myself again. You are my kindred spirit friend. I hope it is okay I made you this promise. Please also remember i am always here for you if you need to talk, to walk, or just get away. Thank you for teaching me about blogging, Well I won't keep you Have a good night give Russel my Love.

I love you and thanks again

Paul Michael Forester.

1 comment:

  1. Michael,
    I am more than honored to be your kindred spirit and I thank you for making that promise to me. As I am sure you know, I will probably go crazy if I lose someone else close to me. The promise you have made to me is monumental and I truely believe you will keep your word! And if for some reason you find yourself in doubt, please talk to me as your kindred spirit.
    I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe dad had to go so long ago so he could prepare a place for Elliot and wait for him. I believe Elliot was taken for a reason I will know one of these days, but I believe one of the reasons is for me to help people. At first I just thought it was Alicia, a friend who now has a child in the NICU at childrens. But I am starting to think God's plans are bigger than that now. His plans for us are bigger than we could ever know but we have to hold hope that they do have a reason...
    I am so glad I can help in anyway. No one knows what we are going through and they never will, but having someone know and understand that means more than anything else. And although being in this sort of "club" sucks, its nice to know we are not alone. Please know you are never alone!
    All my love,