I know the last few months of been trying for you and could never imagine your pain and grief. You and Russ are in my prayers nightly. Things you have written me have really started to change my life. Though what happened to me is nothing in comparison to what happened to you, you were able to give me a sense of solice and meaning. You were the one to tell me to blog and though this is but my 3rd blog I have been able to open up and break a barrier that was holding me back, a barrier that until you helped me closed me off of most of the important aspects of life. I have a long and painful road of mental anguish left ahead but I know I will beat this. I will never be the "Old" Paul Michael, but I honestly am looking forward to meeting the "New" Paul Michael. Like you told me the new me might be better. I feel a shimmer of me returning so I think the meds are working. I just get down because I know I will have to take all these meds the rest of my life.
I want to make a promise to you, the reasoning behind this is because you are family and my therapist told me to find a "kindred spirit" and make this promise to. As you probably knew unless the family for once didn't say anything, which i doubt lol. The last time I was hospitalized and placed in CCU then signing myself into the physc unit was because I tried to kill myself. This was before I got all the different physc. diagnoses. The night it happened I heard voices and just gave up and tried to end it all like a coward. The experience was one of the worst but best things to happen to me. I realized how much I loved life. Growing up we were close and seeing how you have helped me so much is why I make you this promise. Brandy I promise you I will never intentionally try to harm myself again. You are my kindred spirit friend. I hope it is okay I made you this promise. Please also remember i am always here for you if you need to talk, to walk, or just get away. Thank you for teaching me about blogging, Well I won't keep you Have a good night give Russel my Love.
I love you and thanks again
Paul Michael Forester.