Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Face book posting

So as most of the family knows by now I have been diagnosed as being Bi-Polar type 1, having PTSD, as well as panic disorder. Looking back I have been struggling for years. Hiding my problems from the people whom I love and cherish the most. Like mos...t people with these diseases instead of seeking help I self medicated the highs and lows myself. I knew I was able to handle this myself.
I was determined to keep this a secret. To make a long story shorter after the break up between my boyfriend Jesse I, yes I am gay deal with it, I lost it. I did things I swore I would never do. Isolated myself from the world, from my family. At one ......point, the point my mom stepped in, I attempted suicide by over dose
I wanted to take the cowards way out to deal with the pain, the loss of love, the loss of control. To save myself I gave up my career, my lively hood. Still not believing there was a problem. I began living life as a complete empty shell, barely a gl...impse of the Paul Michael I knew remained. I went on 3 years like this. It was the bite of a brown recluse spider that actually saved my life. I spent about 3 months in the hospital between sept 2008- sept 2009 I had a total of 11 surgeries, 4 of which were life or death as I contracted the flesh eating bacteria. Once I was sent home an artery burst while I was sleeping when I woke My room looked like a murder scene.

With that repaired I was sent home. During the time in the hopital though Dr.'s accused me of doing all of this to myself which I didn't and test proved me correct. They all thought I should see Phsyc though, Which I reluctantly agreed. It ......was the best decision I ever made. I let loose tears of pain, anger, and sadness

The Dr. then did his evaluations and was able to finally tell me what was wrong with me... I was diagnosed with type 1 Bi-Polarism, PTSD, and panic disorder. He then looked at me and told me not to worry, he would be there for me and he was going to He got me started on meds and got me placed in SCI of Zanesville and New Lexington. My therapist and Dr. are the greatest .

The only problem I have had to face as of late is the 2 meds I need more than anything, my depakote and seroquel cost me a combined amount of 700 dollars per month. I have no income until my social security goes through and I have to wait for the med...ical card for awhile longer because job and family services don't know what thy are doing

This whole ordeal put me in hyper panic mode, then my 2 guardian angels came to my rescue. My Dr. and his Nurse. They were able to me samples of those 2 medications as long as I needed them, either when the company paid for them or I received the med...ical card. The reason I wrote this whole thing was to make people aware of Bi-Polarism and try to get people to understand it is a horrid disease to have.
Parents who suspect their child may have this disease should seek help, make the dr. listen. This is a hereditary disease that is not biased and can and will strike whom ever it feels like. Be patient with Bi-polar people too. One day we could be manic and the next day not want to move out of the bed and have no contact with anyone. A true friend will stand by and helpSorry everone for my rantting but tonight I am manic myself and this is one way I cope is writing , so I figure I would write to my facebook friends. PeAcE oUt Paul Michael Forester.

ThisBlog was done by myself a few days agp pn facebook my Cousin Brandy told me I needed to start a blog here so I am. I would like to tell People the ups and downs of Bi-polarism as well as Post traumtic stress dissorder and extreme panic disorder.

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE blogging! It is a GREAT release. You ight be able to google bi-polar community blogs and find others with this disease so you can read other peoples and not feel so alone. I have found one for bereaved parents and although it's horrible we are in this "club" together, it's awesome to know you are not alone. I find solace in others blogs and a lot of times I am like "Wow, that's how I feel, I guess I'm not as crazy as I thouht I was." So check into it and I will do some research myself to see if I can find anything, your therapist might know of some too!! Love ya bunches!